"It's only Vicodin..."

We have this patient who is a regular, he apparently provides hospice care of an older gentleman and frequently picks up both his patient as well as his own prescriptions at our pharmacy.

The other day, he comes to drop off a prescription via our drive thru window. His wife/gf/babys' momma is driving while he rides shotgun.

He passes the RX to her and she barely sticks the corner of the paper out of her car window, she was apparently expecting me to finesse my arm completely out of the drive thru drawer opening and practically into her van just to grab it. Maybe she just thought I had a hidden mechanical arm that would do the work for us both. After a moment, I notice her blank stare at me so I motion for her to put it in the drawer, she goes to entire effort of straightening her arm out, and almost let the RX fall to the ground.

I anticipate this, because the fatter the patient is the less likely they are to lean for anything other than pastries or fixin's. The fatter the patient is, the more of a fit they will throw for having to get out of their car, all because they didn't put enough effort into putting the small piece of paper under the little weight that we conveniently place in the drawer to prevent the wind from stealing your happy pills. As I lean forward and snatched the paper just as it feel past the edge of the drawer, she looked unfazed. As I reel in my arm from the drawer opening, she has the nerve to throw her credit card on the drawer and utters the sweetest words that every pharmacy employee loves to hear, "It's only Vicodin, can we get it right now?"

I say "Sure, give us 30 minutes and we'll have it ready." I lay her credit card on the edge of the drawer so it's easy to grab and shove it all the way out. I watched as she reluctantly grabbed her credit card. The guy who is the regular smiles and says "Thanks Lowly!" and they drive off.

Quote of the day? "It's only Vicodin." Apparently C3 drugs should be OTC.